Bishounen
by Thorn In Your Side
Summary: Byakuya is going to kill Kenpachi.


**Bi-shou-nen**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.**

**A/N: I'm re-reading the whole damn series, and I'm loving it. **

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

Of all the unfathomable insults Zaraki Kenpachi had hurled his way since the day they'd met it was his latest nail bitingly thrilling masterpiece of a derogatory word play that made Kuchiki Byakuya want to break the sacred law of the City of Tranquil Soul and also Kenpachi's stupid, pointy head.

"Pretty boy."

Pointy head!

"Bi-shou-nen."

Was it a compliment? Was it an insult? Who knew, but it was making the aristocrat want to emote for the first time since Shihouin Yoruichi had left Seireitei.

(Abandoned. Abandoned cruelly and unapologetically to die without his permission, without leaving him the satisfaction of having outflashed the goddess of shunpo. Dammit, sempai!)

Ayasegawa Yumichika tittered audaciously, safe from Byakuya's wrath behind his hulking captain. Kenpachi leered.

"Even your bankai is pretty, princess."

Rise above it. Rise above it. Rise above, Kuchiki! Rise, dammit!

A vein pulsed delicately in his temple, and Kenpachi's leer shifted from taunting to delight.

"Are you angry, bishounen? Gonna try to cut me up with petals?"

Zaraki's vice-captain beamed sympathetically at Byakuya from his shoulder. "Don't get mad, Captain Cueshee."

(It took him a minute to register that the hideously pink haired _**child **_was calling him _**cute **_in that nauseatingly sweet way of _**doom. **_It took him another five seconds to decide that he now wanted to maim a little girl.)

Yachiru continued, "I think your bankai is very pretty _**and**_ useful. Sometimes."

Maim? No. Kill!

(Nyaaaaaarrrrggghhhh.)

Kenpachi leaned in, his stupid nose an inch away from Byakuya's noble one. (Ew! Get away, scum.) He opened his mouth and hissed, "Pretty boy princess, have you plaited your baby sister's hair recently?"

Hey, watch it. Rukia's hair isn't long enough to be plaited. Not that Byakuya would want to if it was.

Probably.

(No, be strong! You don't care about hair!)

Except your own, but that's a different issue. Your hair is a symbol of your clan's honor. And it's silky smooth.

"Captain Zaraki," Byakuya said calmly, "Please remove yourself from my path."

"Whatcha gonna do if I won't? I _**won't. **_Will you whip out your pretty little sword, bishounen?"

The vein pulsed faster, and Kenpachi held his breath. He'd goaded just about everyone in Gotei 13 into fighting him. It was Byakuya's turn.

_Don't disappoint Zaraki, princess. Be a worthy opponent. Let your bankai cut me! It has been too long since I saw my own blood. _

Zaraki Kenpachi wasn't _**strange. **_He was a _**man. **_A large, strong, manly man. Real men liked fighting. That's why Byakuya was a pretty boy. Too scared to muss his hairstyle. Pffft.

"Captain Zaraki." Byakuya was seething. _**Seething. **_But he was also stubborn, and he'd rather be boned by the pernicious Kurotsuchi Mayuri before giving in to Zaraki's evil (evil! Evil, evil) plan to strip him of his dignity.

Ain't gonna be no Kuchiki stripping tonight, Cap'n.

(Aw. How sad.)

"Yeah, Captain Bishie?"

Yachiru squealed. Clearly this was a new and exciting way of addressing Byakuya that had somehow escaped her cueshee mind.

(Cueshee? I said that? Wipe. My. Tongue.)

"If you really find me so attractive, approach my clan elders for my hand in marriage. That way I can formally reject you and your loathsome, pointy face."

Byakuya used counter attack! It's a critical hit!

But it wasn't very effective because Zaraki Kenpachi threw his head back and laughed, going, "Well now _**there's **_an idea," and kept laughing as Byakuya unsheathed his sword.

(Inexcusable. Laughing in the face of a Kuchiki? Just who do you think you are, bastard? I will hand you your testicles on a platter.)

"Uh, Ken-chan? Byakushi looks mad."  
And Ayasegawa Yumichika had the good sense to dive out of the way right before the sixth division captain commanded his sword to scatter.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

**It's quick and cute and you loved it. Thank you. I liked the idea of Zaraki's scars being wrought by Byakuya's blade. **


End file.
